Hunting for Dummies: Rules for the road bound hunter
by Lisa Boon
Summary: Hi. If you found this book please I'm begging you put it down right now walk away as fast as you can and never read it again.
1. Chapter 1

**(AN. Hello. Here's another story that a friend of mine and I have been thinking about doing for a while but never really got around to writing it. I finally had time to sit down and write out this first chapter and LilyBolt was kind enough to look it over for me. It's a what if Sam and Dean wrote a for Dummies book. Anyway, I hope you like it and if you do please leave a review. **

**Dean is italic Sam is underlined and Italic) **

_ "__Hi. If you found this book please I'm begging you put it down right now walk away as fast as you can and never read it again. Did you do it? No you're still reading? Dammit. Ok. I guess I should tell you who I am and what this book is if you're not going to heed my warning. My name is Dean Winchester. My brother Sam and I, we hunt monsters, and the book you're holding __**Hunting for dummies: rules for the road bound hunter **__is a book we put together for all those serious about becoming a 'hunter', as we're called. It is rules that we have made that make the job easier, whether it be from our own mistakes or just no brainers. _

_Right. Dean and I have been hunting these things since we were young. Our mom died in a house fire that a demon caused and Dad was hell bent on getting revenge for her death. One thing you should know about hunting before we begin is that being a hunter does not pay well at all. We make a living…well, it does not matter how we make a living. What I'm saying is if you have a stable job, don't leave it to become a hunter. Hell, if you have any job don't leave it to become a hunter. _

_Sam has a point for once. Now on to the rules. _

**Rule number 1. **

**Find a way to make income.**

_When dad started off he had a nice little nest egg of three thousand dollars if you included our college funds and the home owner's insurance he got from the house fire, but that soon dwindled down to pretty much nothing the more we were on the road. So he had to resort to hustling pool and poker to keep us afloat…not that I'm saying you should, but it wouldn't hurt to know how to do it. About three years before Sammy went on a quest to get a normal life we had to resort to credit card fraud. _

_Great Dean. Tell the world, why not? _

_Sorry, but it's true. Just leave that for the pros though. _

_Anyway. That's rule number uno. Income. _

_On to lesson two. _

**OoO**


	2. Chapter 2

**(AN. All righty roo here's chapter 2. Thank you to Nikki Ross, serial blogger, and LilyBolt for the reviews. Also thank you to LilyBolt for looking this over for me. **

**I don't own **_**Supernatural.**_**) **

_Ok, now that we got income out of the way the next rule is: _

**The car.**

_Why would the car be the next rule Dean? _

_Because Sammy, if you don't have a big enough car then how are you going to get your gear in it, hmm? _

_Ok, I can see your point. _

_Now, I'd suggest a car that doesn't stick out too much. _

_Dean the __**Impala **__does that._

_That's different Sam, she's family. Now if I did not have Baby I'd pick out a Trailblazer or a Jeep; something that people wouldn't think twice about in a neutral colour like black, blue, or green._

_Right, plus if you pick out something like that then you don't have to worry too much about getting stuck on a trail in the woods or having to park your car and hike because the car wouldn't be able to get past mud or whatever. _

_And you'll spend less on gas, and the way gas prices are going up, that's a good thing. Also, you'll spend less money on getting it fixed up. The number of times I worried about my Baby because of something some ghost did…_

_Yeah, first there was Constance Welsh, then there was Cyrus and the Monster truck, then there was the possessed truck driver who crashed into us. And don't forget-_

_Ok Sammy, we get it. But she has saved us a lot of times too. _

_Like when? _

_Ahh..._

_I'm waiting. _

_Shut up Sam. The point is you need a good car. _

_And one that won't stick out too much._


	3. Chapter 3

**(Chapter 3. **

**A million thanks to LilyBolt for looking this over for me. Really you are simply the best! **

**Thank you to Happy Frenchfry and LilyBolt for your latest reviews. **

**I do not own **_**Supernatural**_**) **

_On to number three._

**Salt.**

_Now you may be wondering what salt has to do with hunting. _

_Yeah 'cause you're not going to be eating the monsters. Well now that I think about it… _

_Dean! Argg, that gross. I think that would be border-line cannibalism. _

_Sam, they're monsters, not humans. _

_Most monsters we hunt are humans as well, like vampires, werewolves… Not to mention the whole moral thing. Also if you do eat them you may be subject to becoming a Wendigo. _

_Sam, a Wendigo eats humans, not monsters. _

_Dean, we do NOT eat monsters! Anyway, back to salt. Keep salt on you at all times. _

_In your new Jeep, Trailblazer, Impala, whatever vehicle you have. Keep it in there. Keep it by your bed in case a ghost pops up when you're trying to sleep, and keep it in your living room, bathroom, kitchen._

_Ok, Dean I think they got the point. Keep salt on you. The reason why is- _

_Come on Sam, no one cares about the reason why. _

_I'm going to tell them anyway Dean. Most people don't like doing something unless they are told why, and most people are disbelieving that salt can protect them. _

_Fine geek boy. _

_Thank you. _

_You're welcome? _

_Oh boy, I wasn't saying thank you for you calling me geek boy. I was saying thank you for letting me talk. Now, salt is a pure substance and because of that it repels evil. Now, not all things that are pure repel evil. Sugar, for example, will do nothing against a ghost or demon. _

_It also absorbs negative energy. But if a ghost really wants to get to you all it needs to do is make a strong wind, and bye-bye salt lines. That's why I had the ingenious idea of putting rock-salt into shot-gun shells and firing them at the things. _

_That really was quite a brilliant idea Dean. _

_Thank you Sammy, I'll be signing autographs later. _

_Tell him one thing and it goes to his head. _

_Does not. _

**OoO**


	4. Chapter 4

**(Chapter 4 in **_**Hunting for Dummies. **_**I hope you like it. **

**Thank you to Lilybolt for looking this chapter over for me. **

**Also thank you to serial blogger,** **LilyBolt, steffiundaxel and Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel for your reviews. **

**I unfortunately don't own **_**Supernatural) **_

_Wow, you're still here to read chapter 4! You must be pretty serious about becoming a hunter. Ok, so we've covered income, car, and one of the weapons. Next is:_

**Gun safety. **

_Dean and Bobby taught me how to shoot a gun when I was about eight. But even after I got the basics down, Bobby still took me into the Sioux Falls high school to take a gun safety class. _

_Yeah, on my suggestion. I didn't want you to shoot an eye out or kill a person, not that it didn't stop you from trying._

_Really? Hmm, I always thought that was dad who wanted me to take the class_.

_No little bro, that was me. _

_Oh, well umm…thanks Dean. _

_Aww, crap are we going to have to hug now?_

_Do you want to hug Dean? _

_No, Sam get off me! See what I have to put up with? Anyway, back to the rules. Along with gun safety you need to know what your target is, and if you're hunting a monster in a group you want to keep constant tabs on the group members so you don't shoot them. _

_Why are you looking at me? I said I was sorry! _

_We should probably tell them what happened Sam. _

_Do I have to? _

_Yep. _

_Once when I was maybe fourteen or fifteen, Dean, dad, and I where hunting a black dog and I heard a noise. Thinking that it could be the dog I took aim and fired. Turns out it was Dean coming back to tell me that he got it. Dad and I managed to get Dean to the hospital in time, thankfully. _

_So in short, take a fricking gun safety class. You don't want to end up shooting your sibling. _

**OoO**


	5. Chapter 5

**(Chapter 5. **

**I don't own **_**Supernatural. **_

**Thank you to LilyBolt, A Guest, Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel, and Nikki Ross for your reviews on chapter 4. **

**Thank you also to LilyBolt for looking this over for me.) **

_Rule number five. _

**How to tell a convincing lie. **

_This one is really important. I mean it. If you can't tell a good convincing lie then forget about becoming a hunter. _

_It also helps if you have a problem with authority figures like police, teachers, doctors, parents- _

_Not going to go there Dean. Anyway, I'm going to say this right now; it's not ok to lie, but in our line of work, you need to lie sometimes to get the information you need. _

_Yeah, and when you tell your lie do a little bit of research on the place, company, or whatever so it will be convincing. You don't want to walk up to a nurse in a hospital and say you're a bikini inspector._

_Dean, you did that to me in Fitchburg._

_And it was awesome. Anyway lying about being someone's family member gives you a little bit of wiggle room. You can say that you're someone who they have not seen in a while, or you may have had a falling out with or something. You want to sound confident and act like you know what you're talking about even if you don't. _

_Yeah, because nothing lets people know you're lying more than the wrong information or not remembering the lie you started with. Oh, and if you're pretending to be FBI or something, have the badges and suits to back you up. _

_Sam's right. It wouldn't hurt to have someone who can back you up further as well if need be. We have Bobby who pretends to be an assistant director of the FBI for us and other hunters when we need it. So get someone who can be your CDC, FBI, whatever backup you need. _

_Thank God for Bobby. I don't know what we'd do without him. _

_Go crazy. Well, crazier then we are now. _

_You're weird. _

**OoO**


	6. Chapter 6

**(Ok, On to chapter 6. I am so sorry for the delay in getting this put up. I was on vacation So, yeah. **

**Anyway, I hope you all enjoy chapter six. **

**THANK YOU to LilyBolt for taking time out of your hectic day to look over this. You are a saint. **

**I don't own **_**Supernatural **_

**Also, if you have any rules you can think of please let me know 'cause I'm running out of ideas.) **

**Lo siento! ('I'm sorry' in Spanish.) Ego paenitet! ('I'm sorry' in Latin.) **

_Think you can tell a convincing lie now? Good. On to chapter six. _

**NEVER TRUST A DEMON!**

_Oh God. You still haven't gotten over that? _

_No Sam, I haven't. You put a demon over your own brother, your own blood! _

_Yeah, and I learned my lesson. How many times do you want me to say sorry? I'm sorry Dean, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I am so sorry, Lo siento, Ego paenitet!, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Will you ever forgive me? I'm sorry I'm sor-_

_Ok, enough. You see a few years ago, Sammy died and I made a deal with a demon to bring him back. Thing was, I only got a year to live. At the time I was grieving and it seemed like a fair deal so I made it. Still would have made it. Anyway, while I was down under, Sam here decided to go all high on demon blood and shit. Thought he was helping people. _

_I was._

_Yeah, keep telling yourself that Sam. Turns out the bitch was getting him ready for a show down between Lilith and him to start the apocalypse and get the big guy downstairs out. _

_Which was a mistake and I'm sorry. _

_So the point is: **NEVER TRUST A DEMON!** _

**OoO**


	7. Chapter 7

**(Chapter 7. **

**Thank you to LilyBolt for the idea for this chapter. **

**And thank you to LilyBolt,** **serial blogger, and** **Nikki Ross for your reviews on Chapter 6. **

**Big THANK YOU to LilyBolt for looking over this chapter for me. **

**I don't own **_**Supernatural **_

**Also as a side note in case anyone is interested I made a fiction press account and I put up some of my own poems that I wrote. And I'm hoping to put up a fiction story that I have been writing. If you want to take a look at that my pen name is Joy French) **

_Ok so we got demons out of the way, now on to the flip side: Angles._

_I think you mean ANGELS Dean. _

_Yeah, angles. Why, what did I say? _

_Angles._

_Oh well, you know what I meant. Anyway angels are dicks with wings. End of story. On to the next part. _

_What about Cas? _

_Oh, yeah, Cas is alright. When he's not being all cryptic and stuff. _

_Wow, Dean. That's all you have to say about him? _

_Well what else do you want me to say? _

_I don't know. He's your friend._

_He's your friend as well. _

_I don't know him as well as you. _

_Hang out with him for a little while and you will._

_He doesn't want to hang out with me. I'm the 'boy with demon blood' remember. _

_Oh, come on Sammy, that was ages ago. I'm sure he doesn't think that now. _

_Still doesn't change the fact that he said it. _

_Fine. Go and have a pity party for yourself. _

_I'm not going to have a pity party. All I'd like is an apology for judging me before he got to know me. _

_Ok, whatever. Anyway, all you need to know is that angels are not nice. They are dicks who will use any means possible to screw with you and get you to do their bidding, even if it means changing a voicemail._

_What voicemail?_

_Never mind Sam. It's not true. Just remember that. _

_Umm Ok?_

**OoO**


	8. Chapter 8

**(So, here's chapter 8 of 'rules for the road bound hunter' **

**Thank you to serial blogger for the wonderful idea. **

**Thank you to LilyBolt for looking this over for me. You are the greatest. **

**I don't own **_**Supernatural. **_

**Thank you to Nikki Ross, LilyBolt and lemonofweirdness for your last reviews. **

**Also if you have any ideas for rules that Sam and Dean may have please let me know.) **

_So we've covered salt, income, gun safety... _

_The car._

_Of course you'd remember the car._

_She's a vital piece of hunting Sammy._

_Ok, so like I was saying, we got salt, income, gun safety, the car, Angels, demons and lying. Up next is, drum roll please…_

**Dress Code. **

_Now, hunting is just like a part time job. You need to dress the part. The clothing must be able to stand a lot of stuff._

_Yeah, like running, jumping, rolling, flying across the room…_

_Bending down to lift stuff. Don't be like Sammy here and wear an old pair of jeans and have the seams rip at the ass. _

_That was kinda funny._

_Kinda? Sam that was hilarious! Anyway, you need clothing that will work with you, not against you. So, no shorts, no high heel shoes, skirts, or dresses for the ladies. No penguin suits for the guys. Unless you're going undercover. _

_Nothing really lose fitting, but you don't want anything really tight either. Too lose and it could get caught on stuff or set aflame, too tight and it restricts movement._

_If you need to have long hair, girls, tie it back into a pony-tail or something. You don't want hair blowing in your face and obscuring your vision. _

_So pretty much what you need to put on if you're going to go hunting monsters are jeans, t-shirts, a good pair of hiking boots or steel toe boots, and layers._

_Well put Sammy. Hey, maybe we should invest in some bulletproof vests?_

_Where would we get the money for that Dean?_

_Credit cards. _

_Ok, yeah. I'll get right on that._

_Really? _

_No._

_You're no fun. _

_Someone has to act like the parent around here._

**OoO**


	9. Chapter 9

**(Oh look here's a chapter in rules for the road bound hunter. Sorry this took forever and a day to get put up. **

**Thank you to Crowley'sMooseSquirre'sAngel for this idea.**

**And big thank you to LilyBolt for looking this over for me. **

**Thank you to Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel, LilyBolt, Nikki Ross, and steffiundaxel for your reviews. **

**I don't own **_**Supernatural.) **_

**OoO**

**How to interact with other hunters. **

_Ok, next is how to interact with other people, mainly fellow hunters. My advice is DON'T, unless you really know them, and even then be careful._

_Yeah, not all hunters are nice. A few years ago we ran into a hunter, he seemed really nice until he found out Dean, Bobby, and I were at the Devil's gate._

_Are you talking about Gordon? _

_No, Dean I'm talking about Ash... Yeah I'm talking about Gordon._

_Ok, just making sure. God. But like Sam was saying, Gordon seemed like an ok guy. Then he tried to kill Sam and well, no one tries to kill my little brother and gets away with it._

_Now you may be wondering why he was trying to kill me. Well, long story short, I had demonic powers that Azazel gave me and Gordon found out and saw me as a 'supernatural' being that needed to be killed. _

_Yeah, so we retaliated and sent his ass to prison._

_But even when he was in prison, he found a way to try to kill me. He employed two guys by the names of Kubrick and Creedy to kill me. _

_What ever happened to those two? _

_I don't know. Are they in jail as well or not? _

_I don't know Sam, that's why I asked. _

_Oh, anyway, not all hunters we've come across are bad. Ellen and Jo could hold their own and Rufus was alright, and Garth was interesting._

_Sam, interesting is too kind of a word for him, but he grows on you._

_Anyway, what you need to know is this: Know the hunter. Just like with a ghost you need to kinda know their history. Is this their first time working in a group or with other people, do they have a beef with someone or something, etc…_

_Yeah, if I knew Gordon only saw black and white I would not have let him anywhere near Sam._

_Dean, for a while there you only saw black and white. _

_Yeah, well, I've grown Sam. _

_Anyway, don't go by hearsay on hunters. Always look into them yourself and trust your gut. Ellen warned me about Gordon and we didn't listen and he nearly killed me. _

_Then he got turned into a vampire and Sam killed him. Poetic justice._

_Hey, it's a kill or be killed world for a hunter. _

**OoO**


	10. Chapter 10

**( Ok so I know it has been forever since I updated this story. But look an update. **

**Anyway, thank you to Steffiundaxel for your idea. I split your idea into two different ones so there will be two chapters. **

**Thank you so much to LilyBolt for looking this over for me. You are awesome. **

**Big thank you to DestielFangirl1983, Remember Ember, Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel and LilyBolt for your reviews on the last chapter. **

**I don't own **_**Supernatural. **_

**Reviews are most welcome.) **

**OoO**

_ Now that we got dealing with other hunters out of the way it is on to:_

**Languages you should know. **

_ Latin is a must-know language for a hunter. You should be able to speak an exorcism fluently and have it memorized. _

_Just in case a demon sends a really high wind or something and you lose the book you're using. _

_Another useful language you should learn, but don't necessary have to know, is Spanish. _

_Why Spanish? _

_Because let's say we were working a case in southern Texas or California or someplace where there were Spanish speaking people. How would we question them? I highly doubt we'd want the police translating our questions for us. _

_Good point. _

_Plus it's a great way to pick up girls, speaking a different language. _

_American Sign Language wouldn't be so bad either, in case we have to question someone who's deaf. _

_Yeah, you made a good point as well Sammy._

_Thanks Dean. _

_So in short, know Latin by heart and at least one other language besides your native language._

**OoO**


	11. Chapter 11

**(So chapter 11. Sorry I have not been updating this story as often as I should. I'll try to do better. **

**Thank you so much to my friend LilyBolt for looking this over for me. You are the best! **

**Also thank you to LilyBolt, Crowley'sMooseSquirrel'sAngel, and Viper's Little Devil for your reviews. **

**I don't own **_**Supernatural!) **_

**OoO**

_Ok, so we have ten chapters covering everything from the car to Demons, one thing we don't have that probably should have been the first or second chapter is _

**How to tell the difference between supernatural monsters and how to kill them. **

_Now, there are millions of different supernatural baddies out there. You got your regular garden variety ghosts, vamps and werewolves, but then you may get something completely weird like…_

_Jefferson Starships. _

_Yeah, for those of you who don't know, Jefferson Starships are a cross between wraiths, shapeshifters and vampires that Eve the Mother of All monsters cooked up, and because it was a new species Dean got to name it. _

_I like the name. What would you have named them? _

_I never said I didn't like the name Dean. _

_Anyway, we were talking about how to tell the difference between different monsters. Werewolves are pretty easy to spot, at least the eating pattern is. They always eat the heart and nothing else. And they are also simple to kill. Silver bullet to the heart. Ghosts can be tricky because you don't always know what's keeping it there. Normally it has remains that you have to salt and burn. But one time Sam and I came across this ghost named Molly who was cremated and she had no remains__** to **__burn. _

_What happened was she was so concerned about her husband that she could not go until she knew he was alright. _

_It also helped her that she didn't think she was dead. _

_True, anyway, Dean and I took her to her house and showed her that her husband was alive and well and she left peacefully. _

_That one was a piece of cake. We had another one where we were dealing with a tulpa. A tulpa is a Tibetan thought form that changes. What happened there was some high school kid and one of his college age family members were out in this old farm and they decided to make the farmhouse look 'spooky' so they spray-painted some symbols on the walls of the house and started a story about a mad farmer killing his family. Anyway two wackos got wind of it and put it up on their website and it snowballed. Long story short, we didn't know how to kill a Tibetan thought from so we committed a little bit of arson and burned the house down. _

_I love how you say that so casually. Just a little bit of arson, no biggie. Anyway, you can normally tell if you're dealing with a monster or a ghost pretty easy after you do the research, if you do it properly. _

_One thing that may throw you off is that there are a couple of monsters that have some of the same signs. Take for instance a Hippocampus and a Kelpie. Both are horse-like monsters except one lives in Greece and one lives in Scotland. _

_Dean, why are you talking about two things that don't even live in the USA? _

_Shut up Sammy, I was giving an example and who says they never have been in the USA? Just because we've never heard of them does not mean that they don't live here. Take the Okami or the Lamia for example. Both not a native monster to the USA but they were still here. How weird does that sound? Not a native monster. _

_Ok, ok you have a point, you still didn't tell them how to kill the monster. _

_I was going to but _**someone** _was interrupting me. Anyway, like I said before, ghosts are easy, salt and burn the remains. Vamps you cut their heads off. Werewolves, silver bullet to the heart. Other monsters you may need to get creative. Leviathans for instance you CAN NOT KILL unless you get a Bone of a Righteous Mortal washed in the three bloods of the fallen, and how many people have that lying around? You can however temporarily disable them with the common household cleaner borax. _

_Most you can use silver on or a mix of herbs. Some you need to say an incantation before you do it or get something blessed. _

_Long story short, learn how to do very good research or get a geek to do it for you._

**OoO**


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